The Ultimate Question

No, the answer is NOT 42. The Ultimate Question for every nerd in love is this:

How do I tell if some attractive nerd likes me back?

(PS: special thanks to Megan who actually replied to my thread on the nerdfighter's ning. All of you other readers (and I know you exist!) please go there and post questions for me :)

(Side note: Because the use of a gender neutral pronoun was needed extensively in this blog post, since I can't use "they/them" and still be grammatical, I have used the gender neutral pronouns "ze/hir" in the place of "he/she" and "him/her." If you don't know what I'm talking about when I say, please go here so that I don't have to post a lengthy discussion/argument about gender neutrality.)

Anyways, telling if a person likes you back is really easy. Stopping yourself from second guessing? That's really hard, and it also just perpetuates awkward tension (sort of like worrying for a late period--stress makes it later. Worrying about a person liking you back makes them, well, unsure about you).

First things first: How do you tell if a person likes you back?

Well, again, I've created a simple acronym for you guys (also, I really like Harry Potter and this fit amazingly well):

C.H.A.R.M

The C.H.A.R.M. method makes reading a person easy! This is how it works:

1. Conversations: How often do you guys talk? Do you talk a lot in one particular medium? (ie, google talk, AIM, on the phone, texting?) Do you already have a sort of rough, pre-assigned time that you will both be available to talk? If so, chances are, ze really likes you. Talking a lot is the first step. That's why people say "Oh, we're talking." Also, it shows that you have a lot in common and ze doesn't find you annoying.

2. "Harmless" Actions: "Harmless" Actions refers to physical interactions that could or could not be misconstrued as flirting. "Harmless" Actions can include (but are not limited to)
-tickling: it's a classic. The person is putting hir hands all over your body. Or did you not notice how often ticklish spots are in semi-sexual, erogenous zones, or require grabbing? Yeah, the neck? The stomach? The feet? Under the arms? Mmmhmm. And you thought that ze was just being annoying.

-massages (especially foot massages. If a boy or a girl offers you a foot massage, without you asking for one, ze REALLY likes you. Otherwise, why would ze want to touch your feet? I mean, unless ze has a documented foot fetish. But if ze doesn't, and you're complaining about sore feet, and you're wearing obviously well-worn shoes that might be a little...ripe, then obviously ze is attracted to you).

-play punches: Again, another classic. Pretending to hit a person hard gives him/her/hir an excuse to check out whatever area ze punched if you complain. I mean, hello? Kiss it and make it feel better?

-Commenting/playing with your hair and clothes/accessories: If you have long hair, or exceptionally curly hair, it gives hir an excuse to feel it. If you're wearing a hat, and hir wants to wear it, you have to try and get it back from hir later, and tussling, and thus physical contact, will ensue. Plus, if you forget, it gives hir an excuse to meet up with you later.

3. Rationalization: Rationalization is like logical explanations for things. Applied to this situation, it means "How often does ze choose you over something that is probably way more important?" Meaning, how often does ze talk/hang out with you, instead of say, doing homework, going to work, calling family, or hanging out with friends? How often does ze insist on helping you out, instead of say, getting some sleep or eating? Obviously, if this is a regular occurrence, they're interested in you.

4. Meshing: Finally, "Meshing". "Meshing" is the most important thing when it comes to considering how much this person likes you. "Meshing" is what a lot of romance novels call "the spark," like, how much do you have in common and how equal is the conversation when you're around each other? This is the hardest one to consider, because it's the easiest to exaggerate. This is the only one that really requires a good sense of objectivity (the others are very physical and very obvious). Look back on all your conversations and interactions. How many of the previous three activities were instigated by you? How many were instigated by them? Do you ever feel the situation is strained in either direction? (NOTE THE EITHER: IF YOU FEEL YOU ONLY LIKE THIS PERSON BECAUSE YOU FEEL ZE LIKES YOU, YOU PROBABLY SHOULD BACK OUT RIGHT THIS INSTANCE. I MEAN IT. LIKING A PERSON JUST BECAUSE ZE LIKES YOU IS PROBABLY THE DUMBEST, MOST DETRIMENTAL THING THAT CAN INFLUENCE A RELATIONSHIP)

Look, and think about the whole picture. Think about:
-inside jokes(do you have any? how many?)

-the way you say hello and goodbye (Do you send e-hearts? Do you hug? Do you just not say goodbye because you fall asleep on the phone with each other?)

-Nicknames (do you have ones for each other? How many? How often are they used?)

-How often each one of you instigates a conversation (does ze IM/call you, or do you call hir? Is it even?)

And, most importantly:

-DOES ZE HAVE SOMEBODY ELSE THAT ZE TALKS ABOUT A LOT? (Sadly, all of the former items in this list can be attributed to a "best friend." If the person you're interested in spends a lot of time talking about and interacting with another person, you're probably sunk. Sad, hard, truth. Accurate romantic comedies are not).

That being said, if you are the main object of all of these things, you're probably golden. Just make sure you don't freak out, and honestly, the best way to ascertain all of this? Just ask. It's really easy. All you have to do is tell hir that you like hir a lot, and see their reaction. How you do that? Well, that's a blog entry I've conveniently, already written. Do that? You're golden :)

And trust me, it's pretty gratifying.

Hop over those rail roads, folks!
~Risk(y)