Friendship vs. Dating: The Non-existent Line

Sorry about the late-ish post today, guys. I just ate dinner with my parents (and we had to catch it, as well).

Today's question comes from jedielf via the nerdfighter thread. Jedielf asks:

Do you think that the line between friendship and relationship is blurrier between nerds than between people who aren't?

Ok, here's the thing:

When I started this blog, I didn't necessarily start it with the assumption that nerdy dating is inherently different than "regular" dating. I was just starting it with the knowledge that I am a huge nerd, I am generally quite awesome with relationship advice, and there are some things that only a nerdy couple worry about. Most of the relationship advice I give is applicable in ANY situation. This is because people are people, and there really isn't much difference between how you approach a person you like, even if both of you are into Medieval Literature and astrophysics.

I think this is the most important thing I want to stress in my blog, actually: that just because you're labeled as a "nerd,"* does NOT mean that you are necessarily socially awkward or undesirable. I mean, nerd is the new chic sexy.** Sure, maybe a lot of self-described nerds are shy, and not as confident, but that's just because society has billed you guys that way. I'm a HUGE nerd.*** But I've discovered that being a nerd just means that I can be more confident in MORE areas than the average joe off the street. Being a nerd isn't about limiting yourself--it's about recognizing your potential as an intelligent, quirky individual. I mean, I was a huge athlete in high school****. I guess what I'm saying is that being a nerd should never do anything but broaden your horizons. Limiting yourself is just not fair--either to you or the world.

That being said, no, I don't think that the line between friends and "relationship" is blurred more for nerds. Actually, I think it's blurred for everyone. One of my biggest pet peeves is when people talk about "ruining the friendship by dating." I mean, let's look at this logically:

Note: I am studying for the LSATS right now, and thus, this portion of the blog will be in the format of parameter diagrams from the logic puzzles they use.


1. If you want to be in a successful relationship with someone, then you must share common interests:

i.e.: Successful Relationship --> Common Interests, but CI -/->^ SR

2. If you want to be in a successful relationship, then you must hang out with each other on a regular basis

i.e. SR --> hanging out, but "HO" -/-> SR

3. To be friends with someone, you MUST have Common Interests

i.e.: F -->CI, but CI -/-> Friendship

4. If you are friends with someone, then you hang out on a regular basis^^, and if you hang out on a regular basis, then you are probably friends.

i.e.: F <--> "HO"

That being said, it can be logically deduced that Friendship shares much of the same parameters of definition that being in a Relationship does. The line is blurred.

Face it: if you want to date someone, you probably should get to know them first. That means, you become friends first. Why would you EVER want to date someone you don't want to be friends with? People are like "well, I don't want to ruin the friendship." That's just bullshit. If you guys are really good friends, then the relationship WON'T ruin things; it'll make things better. Even if you break up, things WON'T be awkward.****** And you should ALWAYS be friends with the person you're dating. My mom always says that my dad is her best friend--and it's absolutely true. You have to be able to tell your significant other EVERYTHING, without fearing that ze will judge you or dump you.

That being said, it really IS unhealthy to date a friend that you're not willing to commit to fully. Always make sure both parties know the terms of the relationship*******. Always make sure nobody feels cheated out of something special. And always make sure that you don't do anything dumb********.

So there you have it: Nerds are people too, and people just need to get over the imaginary line between relationships and friendships. It's like that square/rectangle thing you learned in baby geometry. You know, how a square is a rectangle, but a rectangle is not a square? Well, a successful relationship stems from friendship, but friendship does not have to lead to romance.

I hope that helps! And remember folks, Jump Those Railroads!

xoxo,
Risk(y)

PS: On the comments I have gotten:

Olivia: You're darling. I wish you luck! Also, your question in the comments WAS seen. I'll be getting to that not the next post, but the post after.

Zara: That is probably the best CAPTCHA code ever. I'm sure you ARE a sexy beast ;)





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*Or even if, like me, you wear that label proudly, like a pin on your trendy-messenger-bag-filled-with-class-notes

**How else do you explain the prevalence of sexy librarian/indie glasses in fashion? Or also, Harry Potter? I mean, not that Harry Potter is a look being paraded in Milan or anything, but black pleated skirts, glasses, and flow-y, robe-like clothing seem to be having a come back....

***I'm an English/Music double major at a school that has been rated as more masochistic than Harvard by the Princeton Review. My final recital is going to be a lecture recital on the expression of gender through classical music. I often text in haiku. I slam poetry on a regular basis, and I was an officer in the college's Sci-Fi Fantasy club. Do NOT mess with my nerdy geek street cred.

****I played year-round field hockey, and I ran track--grades 7 through 12. I even coached field hockey.

^I don't have time to upload pictures if I want to post this before midnight. Therefore, that really stupid looking broken arrow means "does not"

^^Bear in mind: "hanging out" is not limited to the physical sense of "being near each other," but can also mean chatting online, playing video games with each other, or talking on the phone. Basically, it means interacting with each other.

******I mean, things WILL be awkward for a little while, but if you guys are good enough friends, you'll get over it. True Story: two of my best guy friends in high school are boys that I was involved with. These were NOT healthy relationships, mainly because of extenuating circumstantial drama involving catty bitches and my complete cluelessness (at the time) as to what constituted "firting" and what didn't, but I'm still REALLY good friends with them. True friendship can last throughout ANYTHING. Even unfortunate incidents involving newspaper editorials, hospital visits, and song writing collaborations. Like I said, extenuating, circumstantial drama can fuck shit up.

******* And "relationship" means "if you two are emotionally involved with each other and also physically involved." Actually, strictly speaking, relationship just means "if you two care about each other in any way." So yeah, discuss the parameters. ALWAYS.

******** Dumb things include, but are not limited to: Sex-related drunk dials to a friend you ARE NOT dating while you are dating another friend, cheating, asking for an open relationship and then saying you don't want the other person to sleep with anyone else, judging/pushing boundaries in terms of sex, and just generally making a jackass of yourself.