3 Words, 8 Letters...Your Move?

Today's question comes from Parade, via the nerdfighter thread. Actually, I'm really embarrassed that I haven't answered this earlier--it seems to have gotten lost in the huge amount of questions that got posted after it. That being said, if you HAVE asked me a question more than a week ago, and I HAVE NOT ANSWERED IT, please repost it, or else message me.

That being said, Parade's question was this:

Why is it the guy who usually says he loves you first? At least, that seems to happen just from my limited experience. Personally I think it's a little silly, especially when you're not even out of high school.

So, I think this question is a two parter.

Part 1: Why is it the "guy" who says I love you first?
Actually, it really isn't. I mean, taking the whole hetero-normative thing at a nix, right now,* I can honestly say that a lot of my (straight) girl friends have come to me, crying, because THEY said "I love you" to their boyfriends, and their boyfriend was like "uhm, ok?" I have also had an equal amount of girlfriends that are extremely happy because they said, "I love you" and their boyfriends reciprocated. All things being the way they are, the whole "I love you" thing is pretty equal among the genders.

I mean, it's hard, either way. With Western Society the way it is, there IS a lot of pressure for women to be, well, sexually un-compliant. The idea that women have to "save themselves," or at least, be pressured about sexual matters pervades EVERYTHING in the relationship. There are still taboos in place about asking boys out, paying for things, and initiating sexual encounters. This, of course, is bullshit. Even if we still lived in a society where women really couldn't be independent, female sexuality is just as strong of an urge as male sexuality. And vice versa--men do NOT have to be horn dog machines. Everyone is simply built differently, with averages among each of them. And while getting knocked up is a danger only to women, all the other risks of sexual activity ARE NOT. Quite frankly, women don't have to worry about prostate cancer. For everything women suffer, men suffer something as well. My point is, sex is fun, sex has risks, and if you really want to have sex, you need to weigh the risks and then decide what you want to do. BUT, if you are a girl, one of those risks SHOULD NOT be, "I am a slut if I want the sex. No man will ever want me again if I give away my virginity to someone else." That is just silly.

That being said, since girls are taught to be hesitant about giving ANYTHING away, the "I Love You" result is pretty mixed. On one hand, girls aren't really allowed to do ANYTHING first**, saying "I love you" first is like saying, "I would do anything for you." BUT, on the other hand, since girls are really not allowed to have sex just for the sake of sex, saying "I Love You" absolves them of "meaningless" and "just physical" relationships. Again, this is very stupid. If guys can have fun having one night stands, girls can too. I mean, a lot of my girl friends actually prefer having hookups instead of relationships. No shame in that--some people just really don't like the idea of settling down.

So I guess, to summarize: Boys don't have to say "I love you" first. In fact, boys don't have to do anything first. Go out, have fun, do whatever you want--provided you have taken care to minimize the risks.

Part 2: Is being in high school too young/too ridiculous to say "I Love You"?

Here's the way I feel about high school relationships:

In high school, a lot of people fall in love for the first time--whether or not you stay together isn't really the point. I mean, realistically speaking, yes, not a lot of high school sweethearts get married and stay married. But is that really the point of loving someone? You could be 40 and not stay together with a person, and STILL say "I love you," and then dump them three weeks later. This is somehow "more serious" than a high school couple dating for over a year, saying I love you, and then both people getting incredibly depressed over a huge, passionate fight and breaking up and having to go to therapy.

First love is brutal.

And yes, I believe it IS love. I mean, I dated a LOT in high school.*** And I fell in love with every single one of those boys (and quite a few girls that I couldn't date). Love is LOVE. It's in the moment, it's intense, and when it dies, you feel like shit--no matter how old you are. I know people who are SCARRED from their first relationships. It doesn't matter how old you are--the first person you say "I love you" to will always have some sort of hold over your heart. People tend to downplay young people in love as "puppy love," or "young love," like it's this wonderfully transient thing that ultimately won't really affect your future happiness. This is BULLSHIT. I mean, Romeo and Juliet--two thirteen-year-olds who lacked common sense, yes, but also permanently affected the diplomatic relationships between their two families, and oh, also killed themselves. How many kids each year attempt suicide, or commit suicide each year because of sexual-related insecurities?**** Being a teenager means being mentally unstable--hormones with screw with your mind. Add in being dumped by the first person you ever loved? Oh, man...it can suck.

So no, I don't think it's ridiculous for teenagers to say "I love you" to each other. Romeo and Juliet are fictional--but they're not necessarily atypical. Everyone feels that the first person they love is going to be the one they end up with for forever. And it's hard, really, with everyone telling you that the feelings you have are basically meaningless and transient. It makes it worse, really--knowing that the depression you're feeling isn't really warranted at all, that "there are other fish in the sea," and "you have to kiss a few frogs to get to a prince." Who wants to go fishing and kiss frogs?***** Nobody really wants to think about fish and frogs when they're in love for the first time.

I hope that clears things up! And remember folks, JUMP THOSE RAILROADS!

XOXO,
Risk(y)

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*Sorry, queer folks. This is a pretty straight-relationship-dynamics question. More on "I love you" and queer relationships later, ok?

**I am being facetious and sarcastic. Please note this and DO NOT take the sarcasm as my acceptance of matters.

***From grades 9 to 12, I think I had roughly 6 "official" boyfriends, and several other boys that I was "into," but then "couldn't work things out with." God, high school lingo was soooo complicated....

****Hint: It's a bigger number than those who die because of homicide.

*****Also: why are so many "lost love" metaphors nautically related?