So are the queers, you know...queer?

Note: I am in the middle of a tremendous thunderstorm at the moment and my power has been flickering on and off for the past six hours. Should there be more typos than normal, know that this is because I'm typing like the wind to ensure that I don't lose power before I'm done and my wireless doesn't conk out on me.

Today's question actually comes from the comments, and it comes from elfarmy17, aka Olivia. She asks:

This question doesn't apply to me at all, but how are guy/guy, guy/girl, and girl/girl relationships mentally/emotionally different from each other? Or are they all mostly the same?

Actually, I tend to get this question a lot. I think this is because Western Culture in general tends to assume that being gay is just so weird, and that genders are so different, that a queer relationship is inherently different in its actions.

Now, don't get me wrong--each type of relationship comes with its own stereotypes and jokes*, ultimately, stereotypes and generalizations are dangerous things to assume. I mean, if you take a look at straight relationships, the power dynamics and sexual politics of each couple**, the variations are so extreme that that image we have of the straight, vanilla, boy and girl couple with all of its attached drama*** is actually a really rare, completely erroneous social construction.

That being said, the only real difference between a "typical" straight couple and a "typical queer" couple is that queer couples are not made up of a man and a woman.

Other than the dynamics that go with that****, there really isn't much difference. Western Culture tends to assume that being queer is such a big deal that you really have to know (that is, be sexually experienced in a queer way) before you can actually confirm your queerness, and your sexual self-discovery is this huge, big epic ordeal starting with making your Barbies or GI Joes make out and ending with a tumultuous surprise affair with your best friend in high school.*****

I mean, other than the initial putting two-and-two together of "Oh, I must be queer"******, there's not a whole lot of difference between a typical queer teen coming-of-age and a straight coming-of-age. The elements are virtually identical: scenarios involving two young people pledging to be in love forever, shock at how fun kissing can be, shock at how good another person can make you feel, eventual parental disapproval*******. More often than not, "knowing" you're queer has nothing to do with kissing another girl or boy for the first time; it generally comes, (like most straight kids and the sudden denunciation of "cooties), when you get your first crush. You just go on from there.

Ultimately, love is love. People are different, no matter what. The uniqueness of peoples' personalities, and the immutable force of Love basically both ensure one thing:

Every relationship will be different, so you really can't group things based on factors that Society has somehow constructed.

I hope that helps. And remember folks, Jump Those Railroads!

xoxo,
Risk(Y)

PS: Keep those formspring questions coming! Also, don't forget the nerdfighter thread!




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*Personal favorite: What does a lesbian bring on a second date? Answer: A Moving Van.

**Or Moresome, if you are assuming that being in a love triangle (a consensual one involving everyone loving everyone) can actually be straight and heterosexual in nature (which is can be)

***Examples: Girls want to get married, boys do not; Boys pressure girls to have sex, not the other way around, and certainly girls are never willing to have sex at all; boys forget important dates etc etc etc...

****Honestly, the only really big one is for gay guys, and that is the question of "are you a top or bottom?" and even then, that gets made into a much bigger deal than it really is. Also, there are also false social stereotypes associated with being a top and being a bottom.

*****I am so serious. Why does every queer person in pop culture have some weird childhood doll thing, and then an intense relationship with hir best friend? Does not compute. I mean, are there really THAT MANY best friend high school queers? Because if so, my queer friends and I (with one exception) got TOTALLY shafted.

******And really, sometimes this takes a while. Looking back, I was really gay in elementary school, and my best friends totally sensed it. I became a social pariah in FIFTH GRADE because I was "too weird and liked to hang out with them way too much and it was weird." Also, sadly, yes, I made my Barbie dolls make out, but this was because my mother refused to buy me and my sister a Ken Doll.

*******Honestly, I got more shit from my parents over the BOYS I was dating than some of my queer friends did over dating another boy/girl. While there ARE parents that overreact, there are also parents that are totally chill, and even happy, that their child is queer. I suspect there were times when my parents almost wished I was dating a girl, if only to avoid a reputation as an "easy girl" and also, getting pregnant.