When NOT to Date

Since I don't have any questions coming in, I'm just going to resort to a topic that I've been thinking about for quite some time. This isn't a Top Ten list, because I can't really decide which of these is the worst and which is the not-as-worst, so I'm going to leave the ordering up to all my readers :)

TEN SCENARIOS THAT INDICATE YOU SHOULD NOT DATE SOMEONE
(a list compiled by Risk(y)Business)

SCENARIO 1: The person in question likes you, but you don't like them. You just want to date someone, so you figure "what the hell?"
Ahem. "What the hell" is NOT an acceptable reason to start dating someone...especially if you ACTUALLY HAVE NO SORT OF ROMANTIC FEELINGS FOR HIR. Seriously, this is bitchy and cruel and you might as well hurt hir by saying, "No thanks," because you're going to hurt hir a HELL OF A LOT MORE once you realize you find kissing intolerable and you don't want hir to meet any of your friends.

SCENARIO 2: Some bitch you hate is dating somebody that ze really loves. You want to destroy this bitch, so you go out and steal hir significant other and/or crush.
I mean, unless you actually REALLY LIKE hir significant other, and hir significant other is way into you, and this is JUST ABOUT THE TWO OF YOU, AND YOU ARE IN FAIRY TALE TRUE LOVE AND THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE BITCH...you shouldn't do it. Just...don't. Are you TRYING to make everyone's life miserable?

SCENARIO 3: You want to piss your parents off because you find them over-bearing and over-protecttive.

This is the stuff that Lifetime movies are made of. Do you want your life to resemble a lifetime movie? No. No, you don't. Just be mature, and think of some other way to make your opinions clear to your parents...you know, like maybe TALKING to them????

SCENARIO 4: You find yourself maybe a little on the social outskirts of things, and you want to figure out a way to bring yourself into the public eye.
Also known as the "Glee," this move is generally pretty horrible in a couple of ways. Reason 1: You don't actually like this person for hir own merits, but for hir's superficial value. Reason 2: You will probably get humiliated and shot down, because life is not an eighties teen movie. Which brings us to Scenario 5:

SCENARIO 5: You want to humiliate some poor soul that "nobody in their right mind would actually date."
This somehow always involves a "bet." What are you, some kind of old-fashioned, eighties throwback douche? Seriously. But, this also leads us to scenario 6:

SCENARIO 6: You "feel sorry" for a person, because ze is generally unloved and miserable and has a crap life, and the least you could do is maybe show hir around romantically?
Dating someone out of charity is like donating your used thongs to a thrift store: Maybe your motivation is good, but there are some things that shouldn't be experienced through charity. Seriously. Being nice is one thing; opening up your legs just because you feel bad is a step in the direction of bad life decisions.

SCENARIO 7: You got really drunk and think you had fun last night, and this person who keeps calling you SEEMS ok...
General good rule of thumb: If you don't remember meeting a person, you shouldn't agree to go somewhere private with hir. This is sketch on so many levels, I just can't even begin to start. I will, however, end with the phrase, "myspace creeper sex pedophile."

SCENARIO 8: You really want to get with someone, but can't, so you try to go through hir's best friend.
You may scoff and say, "I would NEVER do that!" but let's face it--the first person people generally go to, to get information about someone? The best friend. If you keep on neurotically going up to this best friend and being like, "so talk to me about stuff and HOW ABOUT THAT BEST FRIEND OF YOURS?" It's going to seem weird and creepy and then you will have to cover it with something like, "I DON'T KNOW, YOU GUYS JUST SEEM INTERESTING *WINK WINK*" which will PROBABLY BE MISCONSTRUED AS, "I WANT TO GET INTO YOUR SEXY PANTS." And the snowball effect continues. Next thing you know, you're in a long-term relationship with a person you don't actually like, and then the boy you wanted in the first place is giving the best man speech at your wedding. Ouch.

SCENARIO 9: Other people keep telling you that you would make a good couple with X.
Seriously, why are you letting other people run your dating life? The only people who should be making decisions about who you date are you and the person you're dating. This, of course, excludes abuse. If you are being called a "dirty whore bitch" in a way that is NOT meant to turn you on, or if your face currently resembles a badly graded paper (you know, red and black), then yes, your friends can stage an intervention. This is different from going along with your friends saying, "DATE HIR!"

SCENARIO 10: "Ze LOOKS nice..."
I have never understood the phrase "looking nice." How can you tell a person's personality by hir looks? I mean, yes, hotness is a factor, but DO NOT IMMEDIATELY START DATING a person just because ze's all cute and hot and indie and wears good clothes. You know who else was reasonably attractive with excellent clothes? THIS guy.

Tonight's post was all in fun, but with a hint of seriousness. I hope it helps!

And remember...JUMP THOSE RAILROADS!

XOXO,
Risk(y)