A Heart Divided

Hey folks :) Sorry for yet ANOTHER late post. I'm hanging out with my sister and I stayed out a bit late last night. BUT, I'm here today, with my first real FORMSPRING question!

This question came in Anonymously (which is totally ok, actually. I don't mind, as long as you ask me something!):

I have feelings for multiple people at one time. Not strong feelings, just the inclination to spend more time with them in a romantic way. Is this common? Does having feelings for more than one person make my feelings for any one individual less sincere?

This is a LOVELY question. Let's take it apart, shall we?

Part 1: Is being interested in multiple people at the same time common?

Well, yes. I mean, having to choose between two (or more) lovers is one of those romantic tropes that seems to have been around for EVER. People tend to have a list in their heads about what they like and what they don't like; it's only natural that OTHER people would have the same combination of traits.

Now, liking a whole bunch of people in a romantic/sexual way is perfectly fine, as long as you don't commit to multiple people without the consent of said multiple people*. Crushing on multiple people is harmless and natural. And, quite frankly, fun.

2. Does this make my attractions less meaningful?

Nope, not at all. Basically, being open and receptive is the first stage in getting into a successful relationship. You wouldn't want to commit immediately to an interesting person you met at a bar. Same thing with multiple crushes: Crushes are just feeling things out. You should go into every new friendship with a completely open mind and heart**. If things deepen, good for you. If you sort of realize it was a temporary thing caused by the fact that your friends are gorgeous***, then that's fine too.

What you SHOULDN'T worry about:



You SHOULDN'T worry about terms like "slut" or "whore" or "desperate" or "flighty." People who use these words as insults**** are just over-compensating for something. You should feel free do act or think however you want, and expressing your sexuality can take on many forms.

That being said, be careful who you confide in. Sure, your real friends won't judge you, and only bitches will really spread harmful gossip around*****, but you really just want to be careful. While gossip is generally not accurate, it can still affect your life in malicious ways. Gossip is just a form of bullying, and like any sort of self-defense, you have to be proactive in terms of preventing it from happening.

I hope that helps! And remember folks, Jump Those Railroads!

xoxo,
Risk(y)

PS: Don't forget about the formspring box (to the upper right of this post!) and the nerdfighter thread!

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*What I'm trying to say is that unless you are part of a consensual love triangle, and all parties know and are OK with it, don't go seriously dating more than one person at a time.

**That being said, you should NOT befriend someone with the SOLE INTENT of getting into hir pants. This is generally considered douche-y.

***And yes, it is TOTALLY possible to be friends with someone you think is physically attractive. JUST FRIENDS IS TOTALLY A POSSIBLE THING.

****And yes, I do think that it is possible to reclaim words like "slut" into something casually complimentary. I mean, "fag" and "queer" have been totally reclaimed by the LGBTQA community.

*****Example: "Omg! X is SUCH a SLUT! SHE'S TOTALLY HITTING ON ALL OF THESE GUYS AT ONCE!"