How to Get Rid of a Creeper: A Step By Step Guide

Today's question comes from ProudR/HrShipper (for a friend) via the nerdfighter thread

ProudR/HrShipper's friend asks:

There's this guy in my group of friends that obviously likes me a lot and he's just weird. Also, my boyfriend's getting kind of jealous and stressed out by the other guy, because even though I would never leave him for this creeper, I don't know how to make it clear that I don't want his attention without being mean. This guy is sort of sweet, but he's really not at all my type and plus I have a boyfriend. Last year he was just this sort of annoying guy who talked a lot about random stuff that I didn't really care about, but now he's that plus he's sweet on me. Help!

OK, while I am all for everybody finding their perfect someone, and equal opportunity love and all that, I also totally understand the trials and tribulations of receiving unwanted attention. As much fun as it is to be in a reciprocative relationship, it can be downright unnerving to be the recipient of affection that you definitely DO NOT return.

And of course, Risk(y) has a step-by-step Acronym just for you. This time, it's the S.H.I.E.L.D method :)

S.H.I.E.L.D. stands for:

1. Seek the company of others: Try not to be alone with this person. Being alone with a person in an intimate situation will often send the wrong message. I'm not just talking about not inviting them over for a study session in your bedroom*; I'm talking try not to sit at a table alone with hir, and try not to really seek this person out for any sort of one-on-one interactions**. This way, the person won't think that you're into them in any way, and a harmless activity can never be misconstrued as a (hopeful) date.

2. Hint widely about your disinterest: R/HrShipper's friend is really lucky because ze has a boyfriend already. This means, ze can simply talk about how happy ze is with hir boyfriend. Constantly. If you're not taken, but STILL don't want the attentions of this person, all you have to do is firmly place hir in the "friend" category. You know, like that episode of Buffy where Buffy basically says that Xander is "one of the girls"? Yeah, that. Make it abundantly clear that this person is a FRIEND, and no more.

3. Invent Excuses: OK, I am generally NOT a fan of lying--it's unhealthy if you're in a relationship. But sometimes, white lies are a necessary part of being tactful.*** Dealing with a friend that you don't like in THAT way requires a lot of tact that may be a sort of grey area when it comes to the truth. Sometimes, people have a hard time just taking "No" as an answer. When that happens, say things like "I'm really busy," or "I can't, I have something else to do," or "I agreed to do something with my other friend, X." Obviously, your first course of action should just be a "No, I'm sorry, but I'm not into you in that way," but if ze keeps on asking you out, a repetitive, "I'm really busy" can eradicate hope way more than a simple "No" can. But this is a last resort in terms of making your message clear.

4. Look around: Look around for other people that might be interested in this person. Wouldn't it be great if you set hir up with the significant other of hir's dreams? It would solve everybody's problems. I don't mean throw a disinterested friend at hir--I mean look and see if anyone is really interested in hir. Be observant.

5. Don't Panic: Don't panic. Really. This person is probably a logical, smart person inside--ze just doesn't realize that you're completely wrong for hir. Just approach the situation calmly, and I'm sure everything will work out. Don't freak out in any way--freaking out can lead to bad life decisions and verbal diarrhea****. Just be mature, and think things through. In the meantime, assure your boyfriend/girlfriend that you are completely DISINTERESTED in this person and relax! Everything will blow over soon :)

I hope that helps! And remember folks, Jump Those Railroads!

xoxo,
Risk(Y)

PS: Remember, that formspring form to your upper right is for YOUR convenience! Use it!


_____________________________________________________________
*but really, please don't do that either. "Study session in the bedroom" is really just a euphemism for an intense making out session. Come on, now.

**Examples include: study sessions, after school rehearsals/activities, group projects, exercising together, favors that require the help of just one other person (like moving something), catching rides to and from places, etc.

***For example, you should never tell your significant other's parents that they look fat or old. Even if they really DO look fat or old in some weird matching outfit, you are NOT to say so. You are supposed to say "oh, how cute of you two to wear matching pink bikinis!"

****For example, do NOT blurt out, "I really don't like you that way and I think you're not attractive at ALL." Tact, remember?