Questions: How to straddle the fine line between creeper and interested friend

Today's question comes from ProudR/HrShipper via the nerdfighter thread

ProudR/HrShipper asks:

There's a guy who was in my math class who's cute and friendly. I'm not sure I'm "interested" in him, but I've thought about it. The thing is, I don't know how to ask a guy whether he's seeing anyone without seeming to be interested - because like I said, I'm not sure I want to ask him out. And I have several (not that close) guy friends who I would just like to know if they're seeing anyone, but again I don't know how to ask without them thinking I want to go out with them. How can I avoid being misunderstood?

Ah, yes: the perpetual dilemma: How do you ask about a person's life without sounding like a creeper?

I mean, I hate to sound like I'm endorsing a product too much, but Facebook is like, the ultimate source for information. While people may not have their relationship up, you can always check the wall and the photos. If ze has a ton of photos (recent ones) that show hir kissing someone, or, you know, captions like "they are SO CUTE TOGETHER!" then you know: ze is taken. Also, if ze's wall is covered with cute messages containing e-hearts and shit. E-hearts are the internet equivalent of marking one's territory...but the hearts HAVE to be plural. One e-heart is not that big of a deal. Multiple ones in the same post? Excessive punctuation? Yeah, the person is taken. Or, if not taken, about to be taken, and you really don't want to get into the middle of that.*


Now, if the person DOESN'T have a facebook, or has a ridiculously ambiguous profile, you have to dive in and ask. But when you do ask, remember:

[ONE]. Don't just start the conversation with "are you dating anyone?" unless you want the next sentence out of your mouth to be, "well, want to go out with me?" because otherwise, that sentence is just really random and, well, creepy.

[TWO]: Casually insinuate the topic of boyfriends/girlfriends. Like, if you see the person, and ze asks, "How are you?" you can be like "Oh, god. Last night was soooo stressful. My ex was being really bitchy," or something like that. Or, "it was cool, my sister/friend/brother was talking about their current boyfriend/girlfriend, etc." Be creative. You can do it. Twisting the truth about what happened last night ("I was on facebook because my friend wanted me to see pics of this boy she wants to date"), is perfectly fine. Just don't go so elaborate that you have no idea what you're talking about.

[THREE]: If you guys are just FRIENDS, then you can ask "so what's up with you?" and they will generally mention the girlfriend/boyfriend. I mean, I feel like you can just ASK people, "urrrgh, I don't want to date anyone right now because I'm just sick and tired of boys...what's up with your love life?" and generally people will automatically think, "this girl is not interested in me but wants to know about my life to maybe cheer her up."

[FOUR]: If you see ze talking to a boy/girl in an intimate, flirty way (or, any way at all, actually), then you can be like "hey, who was that cute boy/girl I saw you with earlier? Is that your boyfriend/girlfriend?" This is probably the safest tip. You can even make up a girl that you "thought you saw" hir talking to. If ze is clueless, and doesn't remember talking to someone, ze probably is single. If ze automatically says, "Who? *insert name*? Was I talking to her earlier?" or, "she's not my girlfriend, X is my girlfriend."

[FIVE]: If you guys are really chill and comfortable with each other, just be like "So, like, my friends and I were talking about what we were into in terms of boyfriends/girlfriends....and we were wondering what boys were into. What do you think? Like, what about you and your boyfriend/girlfriend?" and if ze is like, "Wait, I don't have a significant other," you can just be like "oh, sorry, I just for some reason thought you were dating someone." If ze is like "wait, why?" just say something like, "I don't know...most single people tend to give off this vibe of relationship desperation and you just seem so chill and relaxed most of the time." Then, if you don't think you're actually interested in this person, just list things that you like that you KNOW don't apply to hir.**

And most importantly:

TRY NOT TO ACT IN ANY WAY THAT MIGHT BE MISCONSTRUED AS "FLIRTING"

You know what I'm talking about. If you DON'T want a person to think that you like hir, then don't act like you want hir body. You know how I talked about the C.R.U.S.H. method for telling if a person likes you? Yeah, don't do any of that.

Anyways, I hope that helps! And remember folks, Jump Those Railroads!

xoxo,
Risk(y)




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*Note: While it is not technically stealing someone's significant other if the couple has not started dating yet, if the couple is in the "talking" phase, and if the two people have already gone on a date, and/or been flirting in a reciprocal sort of way, then it is generally considered bitch if you attempt to steal one or the other. I mean, when it gets to the point of almost, but not quite (AND is from both parties, mind you), be mindful of the entire situation. Now, if the person you're into isn't REALLY into the other person, or if the other person is generally acknowledged to be a bad person to date, by all means, go right ahead. Just use common sense. As my friend says, "If you don't think it's actually true love between you and this person, you are basically just being bitchy."

**Example: If ze dresses a certain way, mention something you like people to wear that ze DOESN'T wear. Etc. You know what I mean.