I'M BACK! And On Summer Crushes...

Helloooo, my lovelies!

Today's question comes via Quirky Gallespy the nerdfighter thread. Quirky G writes:

I'm in this summer program and there is this really hot a guy that I like, but I've never talked to him. My friends say I should just tell him that he's hot but I'm a little scared what should I do?

Now, not to brag or anything, but I am the QUEEN of the summer program relationship*. Summer programs are hot beds of making out and summer love because they're these huge piles of hormonal people with the same interests, all jammed together in the summer heat, with skimpy shorts and the smell of sun tan lotion**. Here's the deal: Summer Program relationships are TOTALLY EASY TO CREATE. They're like, the press-on nails of relationships***. That being said, yes, you should TOTALLY tell this boy you like him. Why? Because you have NOTHING TO LOSE. I mean, obviously, you can't just walk up to him and be like "Uhm, I think you're hot," and then get the hell out of there. For one, that is INCREDIBLY awkward and for two, how is that going to start a summer relationship? I mean, he's probably going to think, "Oh, she's pretty hot, I guess I could get into that," and then never take you seriously. Like, think about it. If a boy just walked up to you and was like, "I think you're really hot," would you be mildly intrigued and thus, willing to hook up with him, or would you be like "that guy seems like a quality, nice, smart guy. I wonder if we share the same interests? Also, does she like me?"

One of the biggest catalysts for starting a romance (ANY romance) is the give-and-take. The "does he like me? does she like me? is this crush mutual?" back-and-forth is basically the mentos to the relationship diet coke****.

So yes, you should tell him. But all in due time. First of all, if you're intrigued by him, you should just go up to him and strike up a conversation.


GOOD CONVERSATION STARTERS:

[ONE] Is ze wearing something cool? Like, a really interesting shirt? Or some article of clothing/accessory that looks hand-made/hand-painted? Discuss. Simply go up to hir and be like "That's an awesome *blank*. Where did you get it?" Conversation ensues.

[TWO] You're in a summer program. Chances are, there are going to be huge, common, nightly activities. Engineer yourself so that you are either a.) sitting next to hir, or b.)in need of directions to somewhere. In situation a, simply sit next to him, and then, strike up a conversation before the show/event, ABOUT the show/event. "Do you know what this is about? etc." Afterwards, was the show/event sucky or good? Discuss. In situation b., simply go up to hir, and be like "omg, how do I get to this place? I am so confused. I have a terrible sense of direction. Please guide me there." etc. Except, please don't actually say "please guide me there." Simply imply that you can't make it there on your own. If ze is actually on hir way there anyways, hir will probably say "walk with me, I can help you." If hir does NOT offer, then hir is a waste of space and NOT a nice human being and should simply shrivel up and die.*****

[THREE] If you're at a summer program, I bet there's common meals. Plunk your cafeteria tray down next to him and start talking. "Oh, hey, is this table taken?" If ze's like "no, sure, sit here," go right on ahead. If ze looks confused, just refer to tip one, make a comment on hir shirt/clothes, and be like "I just noticed your shirt. I'm a huge fan of XYZ, and I couldn't resist coming over here." Or SOMETHING. Comment on the first thing you think is hot...but don't SAY "You are really hot." Say, "Oh gosh, I love your hair, and I've been doing this sort of informal poll. Do you use conditioner? Do you not?" I realize, this sounds really awkward and creepy on paper, but I assure you, it TOTALLY works. I have actually used this line on guys before and THEY ALL LOVE IT. I DO NOT KNOW WHY.

That being said, once you have started a conversation, emphasize the physical with body language. Make sure your face looks pretty, and if you can, play with your clothes a little (I mean, if you are wearing a bra, play with the strap. If you are NOT wearing a bra, do not attempt to do so). Lean forward. Lick your lips a little. Attempt the "triangle." This is the body language move that everybody does un-intentionally. Simply look at hir eyes, and then down at hir lips, and then back at the eyes. Get? Triangle. See if hir's doing the same thing. Do not attempt if you are eating something messy, like spaghetti, or ribs. Because then hir will be like "do I have something on my face?" Just use common sense.

Ask around, get to the point of common nightly activities. You're in a summer program--surely you have free time? Ask hir if ze wants to hang out later. Chill together. Chilling together is like, the best time to water the relationship flower.
Get to know hir, and then, refer to the C.H.A.R.M. Method. If results come up positive, lean in, and go for the kiss. Summer relationships aren't started by talking. They're started by DOING.

I hope that helps! And remember folks, Jump Those Railroads!

xoxo,
Risk(y)



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*I mean, at one point, people were like "omg, there goes Risky's hookup boy of the week." That was like...when I was 16. Can I just say, things have just gotten better since then?

**I mean it. What is UP with the smell of coconut oil just making people horny? Even if you don't wear suntan lotion because you're indoors because it's a totally nerdy summer program, you've got to at least smell that coconut and think "oh man, I totally have to hook up with someone."

***Easy to start and apply, easy to take off.

****Don't bitch at my metaphors. I mean, I was going to say "baking soda to vinegar." What the hell, why are there no real good volatile reaction metaphors? I was going to say "potassium to your water," but that sounds...vaguely bathroom-esque.

*****OK, I have grudges against people who give bad directions. As a person with no directional sense, I believe that if you're going to the same place as me, and I don't know fuck-all where I'm going, you should just offer to accompany me there. And my girlfriends. Also, if you have hot girl/boyfriends, please allow them to come too.