Conversation Skillz

Today's question is from Parade, and comes straight from the nerdfighter ning thread

Parade asks:

Is there any tried and true way to think up conversation topics? When the guy I'm with and I really start talking, it's lovely because the words come spilling out almost faster than we can think of them. But in between this, there can be a lot of awkward silences, mainly consisting of me trying to think of something to say. (This problem only occurs when we're talking over the phone/with audio chat, because when it's over IM or whatever ... well, silences like that aren't nearly as awkward.) So, do you have any suggestions that would maybe at least get my brain moving a little faster and in the right direction? (As in, the conversation-topics-direction.)

Talking to a person you like is probably one of the most difficult things to ever accomplish. This is because your brain always freezes when you see a person you like. Also, phone conversations are hard. I'm not saying this because I think nerds are socially awkward. I'm saying this because face-to-face eye contact is still the main way that humans read each other. Anyways, here are some tips to deal with awkward silences:

[Tip 1]: Don't be afraid to be random. Random conversations are the most fun. Don't worry about whether or not the other person follows your train of thought.

[Tip 2]: Don't be afraid of being stupid or rambling. "Less is More" is NOT a good rule of thumb for conversations.* Don't be afraid to ask questions to clarify things. For example, if he's talking about a concert he just went to, and you don't know the band, TELL him. Seriously. Explaining a musical group is worth at least 15 minutes worth of conversation.

[Tip 3]: If you are busy, please just call him back. Otherwise, you'll have even more awkward conversations because there will probably be large, long pauses when you finish eating, or doing your nails, or cleaning the dishes. YOU CAN ALWAYS CALL BACK. Calling back is NOT WEIRD AT ALL.

[Tip 5]: If you are face-to-face, talk about something unusual he is wearing. Or holding. Or doing. Current action-based conversation translates to future bonding.

[Tip 6]: DO NOT WORRY ABOUT WHAT TO DO WITH YOUR BODY. Act normal. Do not take any of those stupid magazine article advice tips, like "oh, laugh at him because boys like it when you enjoy their sense of humor," or "don't cross your arms because that looks really confrontational." Don't think about any of that. Just react the way you would with a good friend. People don't look back on conversations and think, "hrm, she looked really confrontation when she crossed her arms." People think, "Oh, we had a ton in common, but why was she laughing so weirdly at everything I said?"

[Tip 7]: Just act the way you do around your friends. Don't worry about pushing things too far, or not going far enough. You should be friends with your crush anyways. How else do you expect to end up getting along with hir well enough to date?

I hope that helps, Parade! And remember folks, Jump Those Railroads!

xoxo,
Risk(y)







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*Unless you are talking about embarrassing stories that include, but are not limited to: bathroom bodily functions, your period, naked baby stories, awkward food-related injuries, and perhaps how deeply you loved your last ex-boyfriend. Actually, skip talking about your ex as much as possible (at least, until you're comfortably in a relationship).