Sorry, back after a week-long hiatus, due to a vacation that was sorely needed. But I'm back, and tanned, and bug bitten, but remarkably refreshed. That being said, here we go!
OK, so people tend to dis the Pickup Line. I mean, most are notoriously bad and are NEVER GOING TO WORK. The thing is, they aren't supposed to work--that's the whole point. Pickup Lines are conversation starters--they're not going to make sure you get laid; they're not there to suddenly make any boy/girl fall in love with you (and yes, women can TOTALLY use these too! Pickup Lines are AVAILABLE TO EITHER GENDER!). What a Pickup Line WILL do is make a person pause and look at you. Hopefully, they'll laugh. Laughter is key--A Sense of Humor is the #1 thing that people look for in a significant other. As long as you execute a Pickup Line with maximum confidence (but with minimal sleaze/sketchiness), you're good as gold. A good pickup artist isn't like that creepy guy Mystery from that trash-life (but still crazy addictive) VH1 show. Mystery was pretty much successful because he looked hot in a ponytail and a goatee and also, he had cameras following him around.
ANYWAYS. A pickup artist approaches with solid body language; if you're at a bar, or a coffee shop, the manner is the same. You walk up, one hand preferably holding something, the other casually at your side, your face looking DIRECTLY into the other person's eyes, and you deliver your line with a knowing smile that acknowledges the utter cheese of the pickup line. Do NOT try for any sort of Alan Rickman-like drawl of seduction If anyone BUT ALAN RICKMAN attempts this, it fails. Miserably. Sorry. With the exception, of course, of this.
I will say this, though. Even if it's not nerdy, honesty is probably the best you can ever do. Mix a little honesty with some humbleness, and you've got gold. Example? "I know it sounds cheesy, but when you walked in the door, I promised myself I'd say hello to you tonight. Hello!"
So, without further ado, my top ten favorite pickup lines (with a nerdy flair)
WARNING: THESE LINES, UNLESS OTHERWISE NOTED, WOULD BE INCREDIBLY CREEPY IF THEY WERE THE FIRST THING YOU SAID TO A GIRL. A boy, oddly enough, would probably be fine if a girl or another boy were to open with any of these lines. Most girls would automatically think "RAPIST!" and get the hell away. Build up to them. Please. Prepare them with something along the lines of "so I'm a bit of a nerd, and I was reading this dating advice blog and they suggested these nerdy pickup lines, and I'm really at a loss as to how else to talk to you, so please bear with me?" and you'll totally hook them. The preface changes any of these lines from creepy to absolutely fucking adorable.
[ten]: I wish I was your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves (nerdy, classic, very old)
[nine]: Hey baby, let's do some mathematics tonight. We can add a bed, divide the legs, subtract the clothes, and multiply.
[eight]: Hey baby, are you the square root of two? Because I'm irrational around you.
[seven]: Be my queen and mate me with your knight moves.
[six]: If i was an endoplasmic reticulum, how would you want me: smooth or rough?
[five]: Meet me behind the outcrop. I’m a little boulder there. (It's a geology nerdy pun).
[four]: Oman, could we invade Djibouti with Greece? (IR puns? anyone? anyone???)
[three]: Baby, life without you would be like a broken pencil: Pointless
[two]: I'm relativistic: the faster I go, the longer I last.
and, drum roll please, the number one (a tie):
[one]: Hey baby, wanna test the "K" of my bedsprings?
[one, again]: Hey baby, you must be a perfect square, because you're 36-25-36!
Love you all lots! Please click follow, and remember: Jump those rail roads! It's good luck in love!
~Risk(y)
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Monday, June 21, 2010
Nerdy Gift Ideas For Nerdy Couples
So, apparently, people are wondering what to buy their nerdy significant others. Obviously, just flowers and candy are very generic and while always appreciated, these things are not at all special or nerdy, and thus, lack a certain awesome-ness factor. You want to make sure your NA's (Nerdy Amour's) gift is perfect and also, not really weird or disconcerting.
(Much like that sentence lacks proper punctuation. Oh Well).
And because I like mnemonic devices, all you need to remember is: M.A.G.I.C., which stands for:
Memories, Amount, General Information, and Corporeality.
Memories: I think the most important thing to consider is what you two have in common. How did you meet? What are your shared interests? Do you have any special memories tied to any specific games, movies, songs, restaurants, or foods?
Amount: "Amount" refers to money. How much money do you have? How much money would be uncomfortable to spend (for both parties)? For example, if you've only been dating for a few weeks and your NA's birthday is coming up, you don't want to drop major $$$ on a flat screen TV or anything. On the other hand, you don't want to give them, like, a piece of gum (even if it is very tasty gum), because that bodes ill for the future of your relationship.
General Information: General Information is the planning part. Like, check your NA's schedule before hand, especially for dinner dates and birthdays. You want to make sure you have the correct information. Also, if they have any allergies or particular aversions to foods or other activities (like, if they're totally terrified of clowns, don't take them to the circus. If they hate the cold, don't take them ice skating, etc.) If they have to get up early, don't come over late. Basics.
Corporeality: This is the final step, and the most important one. Corporeality refers to if you want a present to be something you can wrap up (corporeal), or something you experience (non-corporeal). If you're short on funds, I would recommend the non-corporeal variety. These include, but are not limited to: Movie showings, writing a song, making something artsy, or cooking something. Memory comes into play here, because you really want to make it special for your NA.
In terms of corporeal, a good general rule is the $25/3 rule. As in, if you've been dating for less than 3 months, try not to spend over $25. Every three month increment after that (6, 9, 12, etc), you can go up $25. This is good for about a year. After a year, it's completely arbitrary. You should know your NA well enough by then to determine what would be OK, and what wouldn't be.
If you're looking for something REALLY nerdy, I recommend the following sites:
1. Think Geek: Think Geek is a compendium of everything awesome ever. They have sexy nerdy underwear, baby gear, LED shirts, a working R2D2, plushy microbes, everything. It's pretty fantastic. A bit expensive, but not all that bad, provided you have access to a credit card.
2. Threadless: Threadless is a graphic design t-shirt website where people submit their designs, vote, and the winning ones get printed. Shirts are relatively cheap, come in a variety of styles, and yes, this is where the original NERDFIGHTERS T-shirt that Hank and John Green wear came from. Also, the haiku shirt.
3. The Particle Zoo: These are like the microbe plushy toys, only, they're PARTICLES. PHYSICS PARTICLES. OMG, THE QUARK IS SO CUTE.
4. Webcomic Online Stores: Most webcomics have online stores where you can buy really cool webcomic-y gear, like prints, t-shirts, or toys. Check out your favorite webcomic, and see if they have anything adorable.
Hope that helps. Jump those railroads, folks!
~Risk(y)
(Much like that sentence lacks proper punctuation. Oh Well).
And because I like mnemonic devices, all you need to remember is: M.A.G.I.C., which stands for:
Memories, Amount, General Information, and Corporeality.
Memories: I think the most important thing to consider is what you two have in common. How did you meet? What are your shared interests? Do you have any special memories tied to any specific games, movies, songs, restaurants, or foods?
Amount: "Amount" refers to money. How much money do you have? How much money would be uncomfortable to spend (for both parties)? For example, if you've only been dating for a few weeks and your NA's birthday is coming up, you don't want to drop major $$$ on a flat screen TV or anything. On the other hand, you don't want to give them, like, a piece of gum (even if it is very tasty gum), because that bodes ill for the future of your relationship.
General Information: General Information is the planning part. Like, check your NA's schedule before hand, especially for dinner dates and birthdays. You want to make sure you have the correct information. Also, if they have any allergies or particular aversions to foods or other activities (like, if they're totally terrified of clowns, don't take them to the circus. If they hate the cold, don't take them ice skating, etc.) If they have to get up early, don't come over late. Basics.
Corporeality: This is the final step, and the most important one. Corporeality refers to if you want a present to be something you can wrap up (corporeal), or something you experience (non-corporeal). If you're short on funds, I would recommend the non-corporeal variety. These include, but are not limited to: Movie showings, writing a song, making something artsy, or cooking something. Memory comes into play here, because you really want to make it special for your NA.
In terms of corporeal, a good general rule is the $25/3 rule. As in, if you've been dating for less than 3 months, try not to spend over $25. Every three month increment after that (6, 9, 12, etc), you can go up $25. This is good for about a year. After a year, it's completely arbitrary. You should know your NA well enough by then to determine what would be OK, and what wouldn't be.
If you're looking for something REALLY nerdy, I recommend the following sites:
1. Think Geek: Think Geek is a compendium of everything awesome ever. They have sexy nerdy underwear, baby gear, LED shirts, a working R2D2, plushy microbes, everything. It's pretty fantastic. A bit expensive, but not all that bad, provided you have access to a credit card.
2. Threadless: Threadless is a graphic design t-shirt website where people submit their designs, vote, and the winning ones get printed. Shirts are relatively cheap, come in a variety of styles, and yes, this is where the original NERDFIGHTERS T-shirt that Hank and John Green wear came from. Also, the haiku shirt.
3. The Particle Zoo: These are like the microbe plushy toys, only, they're PARTICLES. PHYSICS PARTICLES. OMG, THE QUARK IS SO CUTE.
4. Webcomic Online Stores: Most webcomics have online stores where you can buy really cool webcomic-y gear, like prints, t-shirts, or toys. Check out your favorite webcomic, and see if they have anything adorable.
Hope that helps. Jump those railroads, folks!
~Risk(y)
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Nerdy People, and Where to find them.
So recently, it has come to my attention that some people aren't sure where to find other nerds to date. Obviously, if you go to the typical places where you're supposed to meet people (bars, clubs, those awful speed dating things), chances are, most people are on the lookout for a hookup, not a person to date.
HOWEVER, I can honestly say that I've been asked out MORE in "nerdy" places than actual "normal" places.
A List of The Nerdy Places I've been Asked Out
1. The Library: Here's the thing--I've been asked out at the library MULTIPLE TIMES. Actually, I've been asked out at several different libraries. Point being, nerds love books, nerds love other people who love books, ergo, what you have in common will IMMEDIATELY come up, and it's safe and quiet and nobody is really paying attention to you. Actually, when I was working at a library, some guy's mom even asked me out on behalf of her son. I'm so serious. It's ridiculous, really.
2. Chess Club: This is actually where I met my current boyfriend. Chess is great, because most people who play are obviously, a little nerdy, and plus, you get to spend a lot of time just talking to one person. Chess is great for conversation. Also, at a chess club, there are other conversations going around too, and people keep switching up partners, so if you see somebody cute there, you can totally snag their next game, or if you end up having like, the most awkward time ever, you can easily get up, watch the games, then sit down across someone else. Obviously, not recommended to those nerdfighters who don't like chess. HOWEVER, if you DON'T know how to play chess, but would like to learn, this is also a great excuse to meet people you might like (it's a variation of the whole "will you study with me?" ploy. "Will you teach me?")
3. The SATs: I am still surprised by this one. Actually, at the SATs, everyone is nervous and in very close quarters. Obviously, pay attention to what you're doing, but if you get done early, or in between sections, strike up conversations with people near you. The second time I took them, a boy actually asked me out RIGHT AFTER we were dismissed. Most people are so relieved to be through, they'll be incredibly friendly. It's like that part in Harry Potter when Ron and Hermione and Harry become best friends because they've all been attacked by the mountain troll. The SATs are like the mountain troll. It's like instant kinship.
4. Sci-Fi/Fantasy Club: I feel like this is self-explanatory...but, if you go to college, chances are, there's one of these. I mean, my college has a Sci Fi Club, an Anime Club, a Harry Potter Club, and a Shakespeare production company run by students. Surely, there will be people you like? It's a common interest thing.
5. Online Now, I know, there's a stigma to online dating. The thing is, a lot of sites are just fun to look up people to meet (but this is only for people 18 and over; generally, most dating sites don't allow minors to join). I recommend OKCupid.com. It was developed by MIT! It's nerd friendly! Also, you can totally adjust your preferences, and they have a bunch of cool tests and quizzes (including one that determines if you're a nerd, geek, or dork). Even if you're not into dating, there IS an "interested in pen pals" option as well.
6. Barnes and Nobles: This is a variation on the library thing. Again, pretty self-explanatory. The only difference is, at a college library, you're pretty much assured of their age. In Barnes and Nobles, it can be a little risky. Just use good judgement...if they look like jailbait, don't go there. Or if you absolutely must, please ask their age BEFORE you hookup. I'm not saying that all romance has to be within a certain age limit...I'm just saying, SOME THINGS ARE ILLEGAL.
7. Dunkin' Donuts: Admittedly, not exactly nerdy, but the boys started talking to me AFTER they heard my R2D2 ringtone. Then, we talked about comic books, Star Wars, and other general nerdy things. Unfortunately, they didn't realize my boyfriend was sitting at the next table over, playing a card game. Oops. Anyways, this is a great example of how flaunting your nerdiness can get the attention of other nerds. Whether it's a cool shirt, a ring tone, or a book you're reading, don't be afraid to show off your interests! Other people are always watching!
I hope that helps people :)
Don't forget...hop over those rail roads! It's good luck in love :)
~Risk(y)
HOWEVER, I can honestly say that I've been asked out MORE in "nerdy" places than actual "normal" places.
A List of The Nerdy Places I've been Asked Out
1. The Library: Here's the thing--I've been asked out at the library MULTIPLE TIMES. Actually, I've been asked out at several different libraries. Point being, nerds love books, nerds love other people who love books, ergo, what you have in common will IMMEDIATELY come up, and it's safe and quiet and nobody is really paying attention to you. Actually, when I was working at a library, some guy's mom even asked me out on behalf of her son. I'm so serious. It's ridiculous, really.
2. Chess Club: This is actually where I met my current boyfriend. Chess is great, because most people who play are obviously, a little nerdy, and plus, you get to spend a lot of time just talking to one person. Chess is great for conversation. Also, at a chess club, there are other conversations going around too, and people keep switching up partners, so if you see somebody cute there, you can totally snag their next game, or if you end up having like, the most awkward time ever, you can easily get up, watch the games, then sit down across someone else. Obviously, not recommended to those nerdfighters who don't like chess. HOWEVER, if you DON'T know how to play chess, but would like to learn, this is also a great excuse to meet people you might like (it's a variation of the whole "will you study with me?" ploy. "Will you teach me?")
3. The SATs: I am still surprised by this one. Actually, at the SATs, everyone is nervous and in very close quarters. Obviously, pay attention to what you're doing, but if you get done early, or in between sections, strike up conversations with people near you. The second time I took them, a boy actually asked me out RIGHT AFTER we were dismissed. Most people are so relieved to be through, they'll be incredibly friendly. It's like that part in Harry Potter when Ron and Hermione and Harry become best friends because they've all been attacked by the mountain troll. The SATs are like the mountain troll. It's like instant kinship.
4. Sci-Fi/Fantasy Club: I feel like this is self-explanatory...but, if you go to college, chances are, there's one of these. I mean, my college has a Sci Fi Club, an Anime Club, a Harry Potter Club, and a Shakespeare production company run by students. Surely, there will be people you like? It's a common interest thing.
5. Online Now, I know, there's a stigma to online dating. The thing is, a lot of sites are just fun to look up people to meet (but this is only for people 18 and over; generally, most dating sites don't allow minors to join). I recommend OKCupid.com. It was developed by MIT! It's nerd friendly! Also, you can totally adjust your preferences, and they have a bunch of cool tests and quizzes (including one that determines if you're a nerd, geek, or dork). Even if you're not into dating, there IS an "interested in pen pals" option as well.
6. Barnes and Nobles: This is a variation on the library thing. Again, pretty self-explanatory. The only difference is, at a college library, you're pretty much assured of their age. In Barnes and Nobles, it can be a little risky. Just use good judgement...if they look like jailbait, don't go there. Or if you absolutely must, please ask their age BEFORE you hookup. I'm not saying that all romance has to be within a certain age limit...I'm just saying, SOME THINGS ARE ILLEGAL.
7. Dunkin' Donuts: Admittedly, not exactly nerdy, but the boys started talking to me AFTER they heard my R2D2 ringtone. Then, we talked about comic books, Star Wars, and other general nerdy things. Unfortunately, they didn't realize my boyfriend was sitting at the next table over, playing a card game. Oops. Anyways, this is a great example of how flaunting your nerdiness can get the attention of other nerds. Whether it's a cool shirt, a ring tone, or a book you're reading, don't be afraid to show off your interests! Other people are always watching!
I hope that helps people :)
Don't forget...hop over those rail roads! It's good luck in love :)
~Risk(y)
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Question 1: How do I tell a cute nerdy guy I like him without ruining the friendship?
Here's the thing: Telling a guy you like him? Always worth ruining the friendship. Because, after all, if the friendship can be ruined that easily, clearly it wasn't worth it. Also, there are ways to build up to that without anything being awkward! here's the original question I received:
Oh my goodness, I LOVE THIS QUESTION SO MUCH! Congratulations on actually having the guts to even CONSIDER this. Most girls are always like "omg, I can't do that, it's so embarrassing!!!!"
Before the party, I would suggest either calling him or talking to him on IM for a long time, over the course of a couple of nights. Calling is good. If you feel uncomfortable, just message him on some IM client (even facebook!) and then be like "Oh, geez, I really want to continue this conversation, but I've been staring at my computer all day and my eyes are starting to hurt...do you want to just call me? What's you're number?" This will allow you to get more comfortable talking to him, and also get him to know you better. Plus, it minimizes the awkward later when you get him alone.
As for the party, It really depends on what type of party you're going to. If it's the kind with dancing and loud music, I'd recommend chilling with a separate group of people for the first couple of minutes (don't wait too long; you don't want him to start talking to another girl--wait maybe 15 minutes, tops), and then go up to him and ask him to dance. I don't care how awkward or how sexy you dance--dancing is just a good way to get close and whisper in his ear. Start talking about nerdy things (I'm assuming, since you got the tinglies for him while you were gaming, that he's a nerdfighter). Cool things. Gaming things. Be casual. Talk to him the way you would talk to a girl friend, or whatever. Bring up inside jokes from the IM/phone conversations you've been having. He'll be excited, and it'll relax you. Just think: if he's dancing with you, and if he's been talking to you, he probably finds you interesting and sexy. After a while (maybe a couple of songs--enough where you've reached the barrier between glistening sexily, and actually sweating--sweat is gross), ask him if he wants to take a breather outside with you. He'll say "sure," because no guy would stick around that long with out saying "sure," and as soon as you get a nice quiet place outside in the dark, sit down somewhere and say "So, can I just tell you something? I feel really awkward, but I have to get this off my chest."
Wait for his response, and then say, "Well, I really like you."
That's it! I swear!
Now, if it's not a dance party, if it's just one of those casual "chillax and shit" parties, all you have to do is make sure you're chillaxing around him the whole night. Wait for a time when the party gets a little loud, smile at him and say "Hey, do you want to take a little walk outside with me? I sort of want some fresh air." And then repeat the conversation above.
Also, make sure your friends don't blow your cover. Make sure they don't actually say anything that hints about your crush. That gets awkward. BUT, if it DOES happen, don't let it throw you. In fact, use it to your advantage. If one of them starts saying blatant things, just look your boy straight in the eye and be like "Um...care to take a walk with me?" Seriously. Best way ever! You don't have to worry about eye contact if you're walking or sitting side by side, and if you're alone, you can commence making out IMMEDIATELY.
I HOPE THIS WORKS! Good Luck! And if you cross any railroads in your car, lift your feet up. It's good luck in love :)
I really like this guy who I'm friends with. I'll call him "Ben". Ben is a great guy in person but he often takes a long time to text me back and he likes partying much more than I do. He's sweet and much nicer than the boys I usually go for. He thinks I'm smart and nice. He touched my hand when we were playing video games and moved close to me on the couch which is when I realized I really liked him (just realized how nerdy that sounds). Anyway so we will be attending the same party this Sunday and I was hoping to tell him that I like him there. We only hang out as part of a group normally. All of my friends have encouraged me to tell him and I was wondering if you have any advice on how to get up the courage and how to say it in a way that won't ruin our friendship if he says no.
Oh my goodness, I LOVE THIS QUESTION SO MUCH! Congratulations on actually having the guts to even CONSIDER this. Most girls are always like "omg, I can't do that, it's so embarrassing!!!!"
Before the party, I would suggest either calling him or talking to him on IM for a long time, over the course of a couple of nights. Calling is good. If you feel uncomfortable, just message him on some IM client (even facebook!) and then be like "Oh, geez, I really want to continue this conversation, but I've been staring at my computer all day and my eyes are starting to hurt...do you want to just call me? What's you're number?" This will allow you to get more comfortable talking to him, and also get him to know you better. Plus, it minimizes the awkward later when you get him alone.
As for the party, It really depends on what type of party you're going to. If it's the kind with dancing and loud music, I'd recommend chilling with a separate group of people for the first couple of minutes (don't wait too long; you don't want him to start talking to another girl--wait maybe 15 minutes, tops), and then go up to him and ask him to dance. I don't care how awkward or how sexy you dance--dancing is just a good way to get close and whisper in his ear. Start talking about nerdy things (I'm assuming, since you got the tinglies for him while you were gaming, that he's a nerdfighter). Cool things. Gaming things. Be casual. Talk to him the way you would talk to a girl friend, or whatever. Bring up inside jokes from the IM/phone conversations you've been having. He'll be excited, and it'll relax you. Just think: if he's dancing with you, and if he's been talking to you, he probably finds you interesting and sexy. After a while (maybe a couple of songs--enough where you've reached the barrier between glistening sexily, and actually sweating--sweat is gross), ask him if he wants to take a breather outside with you. He'll say "sure," because no guy would stick around that long with out saying "sure," and as soon as you get a nice quiet place outside in the dark, sit down somewhere and say "So, can I just tell you something? I feel really awkward, but I have to get this off my chest."
Wait for his response, and then say, "Well, I really like you."
That's it! I swear!
Now, if it's not a dance party, if it's just one of those casual "chillax and shit" parties, all you have to do is make sure you're chillaxing around him the whole night. Wait for a time when the party gets a little loud, smile at him and say "Hey, do you want to take a little walk outside with me? I sort of want some fresh air." And then repeat the conversation above.
Also, make sure your friends don't blow your cover. Make sure they don't actually say anything that hints about your crush. That gets awkward. BUT, if it DOES happen, don't let it throw you. In fact, use it to your advantage. If one of them starts saying blatant things, just look your boy straight in the eye and be like "Um...care to take a walk with me?" Seriously. Best way ever! You don't have to worry about eye contact if you're walking or sitting side by side, and if you're alone, you can commence making out IMMEDIATELY.
I HOPE THIS WORKS! Good Luck! And if you cross any railroads in your car, lift your feet up. It's good luck in love :)
a Nerdy Dating Advice Column/Blog? Whaaat?
Once upon a time, there was a girl. This girl had a blog. This girl, surprisingly, was a nerd who gave really good dating advice, because she had, after all, been in tons of relationships with boys. And girls. And actually, a lot of those boys were queer and obviously, a lot of those girls were queer as well.
But not all of them. Because this girl used to think she was straight, and also, there is just a higher percentage of straight boys than queer boys in the world.
Anyways, this girl realized that even if it had been years since she had written in the blog, and in fact, had to delete it because in high school, people kept giving her shit...there were still people she wanted to help. Also, she just liked talking about sex and dating and boys and girls.
...............
Hi. I'm Risk(y)Business. I'll be your resident nerdy love guru. Feel free to comment on my blog and leave me questions dealing with nerdy love, getting the geek, and feeling awesome instead of awkward. I'm generally good for most love, like, and lust questions. I tend to wax long winded at times, but I promise, I'll always answer your questions. Keep in mind that there's a really good chance that I'll publish your question, so please, give me permission to do so.
And remember: If you pass over a railroad in your car, raise your feet. It's good luck in love :)
~Risk(y)
But not all of them. Because this girl used to think she was straight, and also, there is just a higher percentage of straight boys than queer boys in the world.
Anyways, this girl realized that even if it had been years since she had written in the blog, and in fact, had to delete it because in high school, people kept giving her shit...there were still people she wanted to help. Also, she just liked talking about sex and dating and boys and girls.
...............
Hi. I'm Risk(y)Business. I'll be your resident nerdy love guru. Feel free to comment on my blog and leave me questions dealing with nerdy love, getting the geek, and feeling awesome instead of awkward. I'm generally good for most love, like, and lust questions. I tend to wax long winded at times, but I promise, I'll always answer your questions. Keep in mind that there's a really good chance that I'll publish your question, so please, give me permission to do so.
And remember: If you pass over a railroad in your car, raise your feet. It's good luck in love :)
~Risk(y)
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