I'M BAAAAAACK!

Hello one and all!

After an incredibly long hiatus, I am back for the summer. I'm still not sure what my updating schedule is going to be (as I'm going to be out of town a bit this summer) but I'm getting to all of the lovely questions you people asked me on formspring. I'm answering them in the order I received them, ok?

Anyways, this is an anonymous question:

You know how you said that thing about riding crushes out...what if you can only see them once a year and it's been going on for way too long (age2) you want to end it because deep down you know this person has become a lot more horrible (and sexist)?

Um, there are a couple of different issues here. But basically, it can be all boiled down to one problem:

BRAINS ARE SMART. HEARTS ARE NOT.

In the end, the problem is that no matter how logically you can think someone is really crap and not worth your time, your heart is always going to be there refusing. The conversation goes something like this:

[BRAIN]: Dude, ze is such a loser. Why are we into him? Huh? I mean, the gross factor is overwhelming. We're ditching him.

[HEART]: We're not ready yet! You haven't convinced us! Ze could change! Right????

[BRAIN]: "..."

[HEART]: I LOVE LOVE! ALSO, I WANT THE FAMILIAR! WHEEEEE!

[BRAIN]: Well, fuck, I just lost an argument with an idiot.

This is a deadly loop, and it will go on forever if you don't follow three steps. Three convenient steps that actually form (you guessed it) a Mnemonic Device. That device is "CUT"

C.U.T. stands for:

1. Cut Off All Contact With the Person: Basically, just don't talk to hir. Don't message hir. Generally, just avoid the person. This takes away the temptation for your heart to do the weird fluttery dance thingie it does that starts off the entire cycle.

2. Understand your feelings: The key to really getting rid of this problem is finding its root. I mean, this approach does not work for everything,* but here, the real question you need to ask yourself is: "Why do I like this person? And how valid is that?" Again, the logical loop between your brain and heart is sort of cut, but here's the thing: Your heart will spout all sorts of nonsense about "Oh, ze is so sweet, kind, etc etc etc." If you can be like "Wait, no hir's not..." then it will definitely help things. Some things are just unretortable by "wheee! Flutter dance!"

3. Take your Time: The thing is, the first two steps START working instantaneously, really, but they don't completely finish for a long time. It's not like the next day you're going to be able to encounter that person and be like "Ha, Ha! You have no power over me, sluggabrain!**" No, your heart is a very resilient creature. When I say "Cut off all contact" and "Understand Your Feelings" I mean a good solid length of time. You can do this, but you really have to put in the effort to undo years and YEARS of emotional attachment.

But you CAN do it! Really!

Trust me. I've been there. It wasn't fun, or pretty, but damn, it was satisfying when I reached the "I'm over you" point.

Hope that helps!

And remember folks, Jump Those Railroads!

xoxo,

Risk(y)













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*Have you seen "But I'm a Cheerleader?" Finding a root does not cure the gay. Case in point.

**Yes, "sluggabrain." It sounds really gross and cool, ok? In like, a totally "oooh you got burned, with eloquence!" sort of way. Trust me.