Taboos, part 1

Today's question comes anonymously via the formspring:

Are there people who are just automatically off limits by unspoken expectations, for example, the younger brother of a best friend?

Now, in dating, there are certain taboos. These taboos can range from the areas of what not to say, what not to do, and, most importantly, who NOT to date.

I mean, the thing with dating taboos is that they vary from person to person. There are a few universally acknowledged bad ideas*, but there are a few that remain relative.

Dating your best friend's little brother is a bit of a grey area. There are a few things to consider. I bring you yet another convenient (sort of) acronym in the form of AH(cubed) (yes, the "H" is cubed. You can also pronounce it "Ahhh," if you really want to).

1. Age: Are you older than the younger brother? Are you younger than the younger brother? Are you the same age. I mean, age is relative and it really depends on each situation, but if you are in high school, I would exercise some caution in terms of dating more than two years older/younger. I don't want to be age-ist, but just realistic: when you are a teenager, there is a HUGE difference between a 15 year old and a 17 year old. Likewise with a 16 year old and an 18 year old. Take any two year age difference in the years from about 12** to 19***, and you'll find a massive maturity gap. I mean, I'd just like to break down some of these for you:

a.) If you're a 13 year old dating a 15 year old, you're a seventh grader dating a freshman. You're in middle school and dating a high schooler. Let's take that the other way around. If you are in high school, you're dating a middle schooler. Right now, that would be a person born in 1995 dating someone in 1997. To put that in perspective: the Titanic came out in 1997. Pocahontas came out in 1995. Does the age gap seem rather large to you now? Good.

b.) If you're a 16 year old dating an 18 year old, that means you're a high school sophomore dating a freshman in college (again, or vice versa). To put that in perspective: hey college kid! the other kid was born AFTER "A Whole New World" hit the radios. That's right...after Aladdin. Geez, this is making ME feel old...

I'm hoping that's enough to illustrate things for you. Now, there are a few exceptions to this rule. I mean, I knew a few couples who managed to work things out even with the whole "omg, high school vs. college" age gap...but it's HARD. It's like, learning how to drive versus learning how to LIVE ON YOUR OWN. It's like learning geometry vs. learning calculus. There's just such a HUGE age gap there.

2. How do you feel?: I mean, are you considering this because this is a pretty cute kid and you know ze's had a huge crush on you for a while now? Or did you just wake up one day, realize that ze's pretty hot and awesome and you want to date hir? I mean, hormones are funny things. I too have felt the power of being the object of a full-fledged, first crush. Again, with the first rule of dating:

DON'T DATE SOMEONE JUST BECAUSE ZE LIKES YOU.

which leads us to...

3. How does the younger sibling feel about you?: OK, so say you've figured out that yes, you actually really do like this person. Now...do you think this person reciprocates?**** OK, but do you think ze is mature enough to handle dating you? Are you mature enough to handle dating hir? Are you both looking for the same things, and could both see yourselves dating each other very successfully, or being very cool in a break up? This is important, and leads us to the final point...

4. How does your best friend feel about it?: Here's the thing: your best friend is YOUR BEST FRIEND. Treat hir with respect. Ascertain whether or not the dating is a viable option, and then ask your biffle before your proceed. Why? Because best friends don't go behind their best friend's backs to date someone. Obviously, hir opinion matters. You wouldn't be questioning the ethics of this situation, otherwise. So ask. Discuss matters with the younger sibling first, and then ask. You just don't want to cause a false alarm heart attack with the best friend, ok?

I hope that helps! And remember folks, jump those railroads!

xoxo,
risk(Y)

PS: the nerdfighter thread can be found here, and the formspring box is to your upper right. Alternatively, you can just click on this link :)






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*Examples include: dating a CURRENT professor, dating a CURRENT boss, and dating someone you are closely related to. I mean, the last is pretty much another way of saying "biological disaster." The others are just bad situations asking to happen.

**I'm counting 12 as a teenager, damn it. It never made sense to me the idea of "preteen" only existing for 11 and 12 year olds. 12 for me was a pivotal time. You start shopping for adult clothes at 12. 11, yes, very young. 12 is very different from 11.

***These numbers, of course, exclude ages differences that involve one age outside of the 12-18 range (example: 18 and 20, or 19 and 21) on the older side of the scale. If you're a 12 year old and you're dating a 10 year old, please ask yourself: should a 10 year old really be "dating" anyone at all? Seriously. Rethink some issues there.

****refer to here for more details.